SPOILERS.
Ahh Glee I hate you so much right now but I can’t stop watching because Darren Criss looks so freaking good in a bow tie and next time they’re singing Michael Jackson songs whyyyy are you doing this to me please just stop.
Ryan Murphy & Co. seem to have based this entire episode on the tragically misguided notion that anyone actually cares about developments in Will and Emma’s relationship, or Will and Emma in general for that matter. WE DO NOT. AT ALL. ONE SINGLE BIT. Their mutual crush might have been cute for like an episode but then Will was cheating on his wife and it was eww gross but then they got divorced but Emma was married to John Stamos and oh man she shoulda stuck with him but they split up cuz the Glee writers are creepily obsessed with virginity and now the only thing this episode did was remind people of the eww gross origins of Will and Emma thanks to the awful and boring rendition of “The Worst First Time I Ever Saw Your Face” and the first time Will ever saw Emma’s face was when he was still married to Terri, god Will you are such a douchebag. You would propose in the douchiest way possible, why am I even surprised?
Also this happened.
So obviously Will asks Emma to marry him, but not before reminding her that her OCD makes her like the world’s biggest freak and she is lucky to have found a man who can put up with that shit. And then he proposes after a synchronized swimming routine to “We Found Love,” and you can tell the whole cast is miserable the entire time they’re in the pool, god it’s freezing in here, this is so not what I signed up for and what do you mean I have to stick around for season four???
Pictured: contractual obligation
I guess the theme of this episode was Will being a douchey creep because he also breaks Finn’s trust (after creepily asking him to be his best man, seriously Will, don’t you have any adult friends?) and tells Burt and Carol that Finn is thinking about joining the Army, which I thought was actually pretty cool on Finn’s part but then in a horrible and unnecessary plot twist his mom is like noooooo don’t do it I know you are trying to follow in your dead father’s footsteps and all but he wasn’t really a war hero he was actually a deserter and a druggie! IS NOTHING SACRED TO YOU ANYMORE GLEE???
And just in case that scene didn’t make you uncomfortable enough there is also the awful and equally pointless subplot of Becky pursuing a relationship with Artie because they are both “handicapable” and Artie agrees to go on a date with her, resulting in “Becky-ventions” from both the entire glee club and the alarmingly rational-seeming Sue Sylvester, who rightly tells Artie that he’s being a dick and nips the whole thing in the bud. But oh man you know you’ve got a problem with your show when the one character who is known for being bat-shit insane suddenly seems like the sole voice of reason in this entire horrible mess.
And then just when you think it can’t get any worse, and maybe Lea Michele is about to save the day by wrapping up the episode with a face-melting divalicious solo and everything might be alright after all, Finn proposes to Rachel instead. DON’T DO IT RACHEL YOU’LL REGRET IT I’M TELLIN YA. LET QUINN HAVE HIM FOR ALL I CARE. JUST. DO. NOT. MARRY. FINN. GRRL YOU KNOW YOU CAN DO BETTER THAN THAT.
Anyway it’s all good because the next episode is Michael! But seriously Rachel better not say yes because then it will ruin my mood for the whole thing and I won’t be able to enjoy the triumphant return of the yummy Dalton Academy Warblers and the deliciously evil Sebastian, oh man I have pretty much given up all the original characters as lost causes but if these writers screw up my new gay boyfriend I might actually lose it for real.
Heyyyyyy therrrrre sexy
